Learning

I have written in the past about some of my views on education.  This was when Caroline was still on the distant-though-shrinking horizon and my mind was occupied with rather more of the theory than the practice of parenting, i.e. choosing a grad school vs. changing a dirty diaper.

Now that she's been home, and especially in the wake of a very pleasant outing to the Children's Museum, learning is back on my mind.  I have learned that there's more to "learning" for a little child than ABC's, numbers, colors, and the Periodic Table.  Caroline has been learning all sorts of things not to be found in a book:

• How to walk (we are, as predicted, finding her ability to walk to be a VERY mixed blessing as "STOP!" and "Come back here!" are getting a lot of use around the house!)
• How to navigate stairs or even the transition from hardwood to carpet
• How to talk a little
• How to use a spoon
• How a doorknob - ESPECIALLY the one to the bathroom - works
• How to play

So many things for her young mind to take in!

We want to expose her to as much as we can not only to help her develop but also to acquire a fondness for doing things.  Part of this is reaction on my part: I was a lifeless lump as a child boy young man for most of my life, and I think it would be a service to her to teach her NOT to be.  There is more to life than sitting on the couch.

More importantly, every bit of stimulation we can give to her brain will help it to develop*.  So, we're planning a trip to a nearby "ranch" where she can get some sunshine and fresh air (the body needs development, too) as well as see all sorts of interesting animals.  Perhaps early next year we'll try "gymnastics" class for her.  We know that she likes music and dancing, so we'll try dance class when she's old enough.  I should note here that one of the many warnings we were given as prospective adoptive parents was that adopted children can easily be overstimulated and react badly to it (even something as mundane as a particular color can upset a child who might associate that color with a bad experience in the orphanage or foster home, or might remind him of abandonment or other painful separations).  Happily, Caroline doesn't seem to have this problem.

Of course, there's another trap to doing too much: we don't want to be "those parents" who make their child's life a misery to him by forcing him to spend every waking moment doing something "educational" because childhood is nothing but prep for getting into Harvard.  How to strike the balance?

Well, it's all a learning experience!

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(*) There is a theory that children who hear more words very early in life not only have a larger vocabulary but also have a better capacity for learning.  Maybe the theory is correct or maybe not, but we're not interested in taking chances.

http://www.aft.org/pdfs/americaneducator/spring2003/TheEarlyCatastrophe.pdf

The most vulnerable amongst us

Mexico said on Tuesday it had rescued 458 children from a vermin-infested refuge for abandoned boys and girls, some of whom it believes were sexually abused.

The attorney general's office said police and army troops raided a home known as "La Gran Familia" (The Big Family) in the western city of Zamora on Tuesday, following at least 50 complaints about its operators.

...

Five complaints by parents that the home would not return their children to them prompted authorities to act, he added.

The children in the refuge had to beg for money on the streets, eat unsanitary food and sleep on the floor among vermin, officials said. Some suffered sexual abuse, they added... [emphasis mine - JR]


And in our country:

FBI Director James Comey announced Monday the arrests of 281 suspected pimps and the rescue of 168 children in a weeklong sting operation aimed at sex trafficking, organized crime’s fastest-growing enterprise.

Many of the rescued children never were reported as missing, despite being under the supervision of the U.S. child welfare system.

...

The FBI effort has rescued more than 3,600 children overall and has resulted in more than 1,450 felony convictions and the seizure of more than $3.1 million in cash and property.

Most of the rescued children are U.S. citizens, as are those arrested, Mr. Comey said, indicating that the problem is not smuggling from abroad...  [emphasis mine - JR]

Personally, I'm in favor of taking people who do this sort of thing and hanging them by the neck until their bodies rot off the gallows.  Unfortunately, I seem to be in the minority.

But what about The Authorities?  In the Mexican case, it took FIVE complaints before The Authorities would look into this alleged hellhole.  I appreciate that Mexico isn't a rich country, but surely SOMEBODY there is responsible for inspecting child shelters and orphanages.  Where were they?  What were they doing?  Other than their job, that is.

And what about here?  Thousands - THOUSANDS - of children who just sort of disappeared from the child welfare system to become sex slaves.  Didn't SOMEBODY notice that these children had gone missing?

These cases, it seems to me, don't point towards systems that are swamped, that are poor, that are overburdened (ah, the cry of government officials everywhere when things go pear-shaped: "We haven't got the funding!").  Rather, it points to apathy and criminal negligence by people who get paid to see to it that this sort of thing doesn't happen.  Thank God somebody finally did something, but for how many children was it too little, too late?

And, finally, what about the parents?  Are we to believe that all of these children were orphans, completely alone in the world?  Didn't their mothers and fathers have even the slightest spark of parental feeling, enough to pick up the phone to the police and - even anonymously - report their child as missing?

We need A LOT of rope.

Disney responds

A couple of weeks ago, we stopped by Downtown Disney while on holiday in Florida.  We discovered that the Bibbity-bobbity Boutique not only did not have any Mulan dolls or other items on its shelves but also did not offer a Mulan-themed "Princess Makeover".  I wrote to Disney about this.  As expected, they responded very quickly and courteously.  In summary, they told me:

1. Disney regrets that we had difficulty and understands how important a good experience is for the families and especially the children who visit

2. Mulan may be met "in person" at the China pavillion at Epcot

3. Mulan merchandise is available around the park and via mail order; "Cast Members" can help with this

4. The applicable "team" will be informed of my comments

I don't want to beat up on Disney.  Our brief visit to Downtown Disney was very nice: though there was construction going on, the park was clean, the "cast members" uniformly courteous, the food good, there were plenty of (ahem) retail opportunities for children of all ages (I should mention that my wife had to drag me away from the "Build Your Own Lightsabre" display), and we WERE able to get a limited edition Mulan doll in "Independence Day" garb to put away for a future birthday.  Their reply to my inquiries was, as I have said, very prompt and professional.  We certainly plan to take Caroline to Disney when she's a bit older and have every expectation that she will enjoy it.

Still, it seems to me that they ought to have the Mulan makeover available at the Bibbity-bobbity Boutique along with at least a shelf or two of Mulan dolls.  Perhaps the costs to Disney of doing so (keeping the costumes in various sizes as well as the dolls in inventory, training the makeover people, etc.) are rather higher than I think.

Oh, well: we don't always get what we want.

Road Trips, Outings & Having Fun

I haven't posted in a couple weeks.  Those weeks have been filled with lots of new experiences for Caroline.  We took our first road trip.  First stop was Atlanta to visit our friends for swimming and a 4th of July cookout.

We stayed in a hotel with a swimming pool so that Caroline could go swimming.  She was unsure of what to think about the pool.  At least she didn't cry.

Caroline really enjoyed her first 4th of July Cookout.  She met our friends and loved them.

On July 5th we traveled South to Florida so that Caroline could meet Jim's Maternal Grandmother. 

We spent several days in Florida, which included a trip to Manatee Beach and Downtown Disney.  Caroline was not a fan of the beach, but she did seem to enjoy the food at Downtown Disney.

 

Since we've been back from Florida, Caroline has been trying to say lots of new words.  She surprised me by pointing at herself and saying "Careline" a few times.  I was one proud Mama.

Yesterday, we thought we would see if she liked the Children's Museum.  The outing was a total success.  She loved all the toys and seeing all the new kids.

 



Last night before bed, we decided to see how Caroline would like the little pink coupe.  She loved it.  She knew just what to do.  That makes us think that she had played with one in China.

 

 

 

Jim is off work today, so I'm taking a half day from work and we are all going to the Farmer's Market.  Caroline loves veggies, so we hope she will enjoy the Market too.  This weekend she gets to meet 2 of her cousins.

Have a great day!

Chrystal

Things People Say to Adoptees and Adoptive Familes

Via Red Thread Broken, this helpful video:

In a similar vein:

 

 

It seems to me that there are three kinds of people in this sort of situation:

 

1.  The friendly / curious who may be adoptive parents themselves* or are considering it;

 

2.  The insufferable busybodies, and;

 

3.  The intentionally hurtful / impertinent

 

Those in the first category deserve a civil answer.  The others... Well, I can't punch them in the mouth or sic the grandmothers on them (this would, I think, rise to the level of an atrocity that would get the attention of the World Court and the UN; no need for all of that).  So, what to do?  My daughter will learn from me how she should respond and, more importantly, how she ought to feel about being an adoptee.

 

 

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(*) My wife and I often remark to each other how we've developed radar for children who don't look like their parents (or, at least, the adults they are with): "Do you think they adopted, too?" Yet, it's awkward to say anything as we don't want to be boorish and invade somebody's privacy.

Mulan and Disney World

For the Independence Day weekend, my wife and I took a trip to visit my relatives in Florida.  As our hotel was not far from Downtown Disney, we took a short trip there to have lunch, see the sights, and meet another family that Chrystal knows from her photo club.  Though Caroline is still a little young for a "Princess Makeover", we stopped by that shop to look into it and perhaps buy a Mulan costume for Halloween and a doll for a future birthday.  Imagine our surprise when we found that, not only is a Mulan makeover not offered, the shelves were quite bare of Mulan-related merchandise (though we eventually did find and buy a Mulan doll in another shop).

I have written to Disney World about this and will post their response; as I prefer actual letters to e-mail for my correspondence, it may take some little time.  I understand that Mulan is not their most popular movie, and I can also understand that not many little girls in this country long to be dressed as a Chinese "princess".  Still, I would think that there are enough people who ARE interested in this to at least offer the makeover and a shelf of Mulan and Mushu dolls.

From a humorous perspective, this want of pre-packaged costume provides ol' Baba an opportunity to provide it...

[phone rings]

SELF: Hello?

PRINCIPAL SMITH: Mr. R?  This is Joe Smith, Caroline's ---

SELF: Oh, dear Lord, what's she done now?

SMITH: Um, well, in this case, it's nothing SHE'S done.  It's her Halloween costume.

SELF [relieved and proud]: Oh!  Thank heavens for that... Yes!  Pretty neat, isn't it?  It took me some time to put it all together.  She's Hua Mulan, you know.

SMITH: Er... Yes.  It's quite... um... authentic.  That's the problem.

SELF: Oh?

SMITH:  Yes.  For one thing, it seems that she finds it hard to walk in that much armor.  She fell over at recess, and we had to get both of the PE coaches to help put her back on her feet.

SELF: Well, chain mail isn't light, you know.  I don't think the Chinese had discovered aluminum alloys at that time.

SMITH: You're probably right.  But the real problem is the sword ---

SELF [learnedly] : It's a jian, the Chinese double-edged sword.  I thought that Mulan would be more likely to carry one of those than a dao, which is the single-edged sword, rather more like a cutlass or a heavy sabre.

SMITH: Ah.  Didn't know that.  Learn something new every day... Well, be that as it may, we really can't have her walking around with a real sword.

SELF: She didn't hit anybody with it, did she?  I TOLD her not to...

From a less humorous perspective, does all of this say anything about stereotypes?  Should I, for example, assume that my daughter will like / want to dress as Mulan*?  Should Disney assume that only little girls of Asian (and especially Chinese) heritage would want to dress as Mulan?  Or that only girls of American Indian heritage would want to dress as Pocahontas?  At what point do little girls start to think, "I can't be her because she's --- and I'm ---"?

It may be that my daughter will want to dress as Elsa or Anna or whatever "princess" is hot at the theatres in a few years.  Who knows?

Still... Mulan in armor WOULD be a great costume for Halloween, though I suppose some people might think that it's less "trick or treat" and more "your candy or your life"!

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(*) Frankly, Mulan strikes me as the most admirable of the various "princesses", far more worth emulating than, say, Snow White or Cinderella who sat around waiting for a prince to show up.  And don't even get me started on that dimwit Anna from "Frozen"...

Like a girl

My family are Southern.  It has always amazed me that people have the stereotype of Southern women that they are fainting, helpless, delicate creatures.  In my experience, quite the opposite is true.  I don't say that any of them keep a Confederate pistol under her blankets like the fictional Mrs. Dubose of To Kill a Mockingbird, but I wouldn't put it past them!  So, having the task of raising a girl before me, this caught my interest:

If you tell Lauren Greenfield that she runs or fights or talks "like a girl," she'll probably say thank you. After all, she is responsible for the fact that over 13 million people are now reconsidering what that phrase really means.

The subject at hand is a PSA that asks people - including young girls - to perform various actions "like a girl".  While older people of both sexes demonstrated stereotypes when asked to run or throw or fight like a girl, younger girls performed the actions in (for want of a better term) a normal manner.

So, how shall I teach my daughter to:

Run like a girl:

Florence Griffith Joyner (1959 - 1998); fastest woman in the world

Fight like a girl:

SGT Leigh Ann Hester, USA.  Silver Star, Iraq, June 2005

 

Drive like a girl:

Shirley Muldowney, "First Lady of Drag Racing"

Fly like a girl:

Hazel Ying Lee, first Chinese-American woman pilot, later WAAF

Do math and science like a girl:

Dr. Chien-Shiun Wu, "First Lady of Physics"

Lead like a girl:

Elizabeth I

Show courage like a girl:

Aung San Suu Kyi, Nobel Peace Prize 1991

And, OF COURSE, shoot like a girl: