When I stop to realize that our daughter has been with us for only twenty-three days and home for only eleven, it's truly astonishing what changes there have been. There are the important but prosaic changes, such as her learning to use a sippy cup or start to learn to use a fork and spoon or sleep through the night. There are those milestones such as her taking her first unassisted steps or learning to talk (soon, we hope).
But there are the subtler changes that involve becoming a parent. When we were in China, one of the other men in our group, already a father, told me that becoming a father was for him a real watershed: his life changed so much that he could hardly remember what it was like before they adopted their first son. I see what he meant. It's a bit hard for me to realize that, this time only last month, fatherhood was a purely hypothetical state of being for me. Now that Caroline is with us... It's hard to remember or imagine life without her.
The first book I read about international adoption was China Ghosts(1) by Jeff Gammage. Gammage's thoughts prior to becoming a father - indeed, when his wife first proposed adopting a child - were very much like my own:
When it came to the subject of having children, the role of Most Important Person in the Story of My Life was already filled by someone infinitely better suited for the job: me.
I didn't need an eight-pound understudy.
Needless to say, Gammage's attitude changed radically... as has mine:
Becoming a father is like growing a new skin. It make you aware of and sensitive to all kinds of new sensations, to experiences heretofore unnoticed and unimagined.
Yes, one of those is the scent of toxic waste that indicates that a diaper needs to be changed, but I've been surprised that I've taken this in stride, just as I (more or less) have done with cleaning child, high chair and floor after a meal, or toys scattered all over the room that I had regarded as my own private refuge, or having to structure my day around meals and naps. Another of those new sensations that Gammage writes about is learning to enjoy doing something for somebody else, to revel in what to the pre-fatherhood man would have been a chore or a burden to be put off or avoided.
I realize that we will continue to progress, that her coos and giggles and jabber will become words, and that (sooner or later) those words will be irritating or hurtful. I realize that we will continue to progress, and the joy of watching her learn to walk will (sooner or later) become annoyance or even panic when she walks somewhere that she shouldn't.
But the biggest progress, the Big Step, has been achieved, and it's really a remarkable thing:
I am a father, and this little girl is my daughter.
=====
(1) Gammage, Jeff. China Ghosts: My Daughter's Journey to America, My Passage to Fatherhood. New York: Harper Collins, 2007.
Wednesday, June 11, 2014
Monday, June 9, 2014
Her story
We recently met a family with several adopted children. Their mother was talking about some problems they had with the process for getting their youngest (apparently, they had to stay in-country for much longer than anticipated) when the oldest piped up and admonished her for telling the child's story.
What is meant by an adoptee's "story"? Have we not inadvertently set up adoptees as victims or, at least, a special class of people who have "their" stories that they and ONLY they can tell? Are we putting these children on a hair trigger to get defensive about their background, as if there is something shameful about it?
I don't know. Certainly there is and will be information about my daughter that ought to be private, between her and us or even (especially when she's older) kept to herself. But it seems to me that this is so for any child: it would be wrong, for example, for a parent to publicly expose details of how his son cried after losing a game or how his daughter got dumped by a boy she really liked. We all have things about ourselves that we'd rather other people not know, either because they are embarrassing or simply because they are nobody's business but our own.
In writing this blog, are my wife and I violating our daughter's privacy? I don't think so. I hope that, if she ever reads what we've written, she'll see only the sorts of stories that all parents tell about their children, and that they are told with love and pride (and maybe a little humor).
So, what shall I tell my daughter about "her story" and other people?
What is meant by an adoptee's "story"? Have we not inadvertently set up adoptees as victims or, at least, a special class of people who have "their" stories that they and ONLY they can tell? Are we putting these children on a hair trigger to get defensive about their background, as if there is something shameful about it?
I don't know. Certainly there is and will be information about my daughter that ought to be private, between her and us or even (especially when she's older) kept to herself. But it seems to me that this is so for any child: it would be wrong, for example, for a parent to publicly expose details of how his son cried after losing a game or how his daughter got dumped by a boy she really liked. We all have things about ourselves that we'd rather other people not know, either because they are embarrassing or simply because they are nobody's business but our own.
In writing this blog, are my wife and I violating our daughter's privacy? I don't think so. I hope that, if she ever reads what we've written, she'll see only the sorts of stories that all parents tell about their children, and that they are told with love and pride (and maybe a little humor).
So, what shall I tell my daughter about "her story" and other people?
Saturday, June 7, 2014
Some photos from Wuhan and Guangzhou
 |
| A "clear" day in Wuhan. This is actually a bit unfair as the sky did clear up a little while we were there, but this haze was typical |
 |
| Breakfast at the Poly Hotel, Wuhan. The buffet featured both Chinese and western food, and had some of the best coffee I've ever drunk |
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| This park was near our hotel in Wuhan. We found that such parks with gym-type exercize equipment are very common. The people showed polite and friendly interest in us; this was the start of learning how likable the Chinese can be |
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| Another park in Wuhan. I had read that it's very common for grandparents to do the day-to-day job of raising children, and we saw quite a few examples of this |
 |
| My first glimpse of our daughter at Civil Affairs in Wuhan. Chrystal was overcome with emotion |
 |
| And the next day, it was official. A couple of more days of paperwork, and it was off to Guangzhou |
 |
| There was a McDonalds next to our hotel in Guangzhou. Caroline really, REALLY liked my hot fudge sundae! |
 |
| The Liuhuahe Park in Guangzhou was near our hotel. Caroline and I spent a couple of afternoons there. It was absolutely beautiful: large, peaceful and beautifully maintained, a real treasure in the middle of city of fourteen MILLION people |
 |
| Grotto in Liuhuahe Park |
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| Caroline and the Caterpillar, Liuhuahe Park |
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| There is a small art gallery in Liuhuahe Park, including this statue of a rather familiar bird out front |
 |
| Such a nice place for a quiet stroll! Note that the vegetation is tropical and lush: Guangzhou is (ahem) rather warm in May! |
 |
| Outside Liuhuahe Park is the bustling city of Guangzhou, known as Canton in the days of the China clippers. In the distance are construction cranes, which ought to be the national symbol of China as they are EVERYWHERE. From what we saw of the country, it's charging ahead into the future |
 |
| Outdoor concert, Liuhuahe Park |
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| Many signs in China are bilingual. However, sometimes the translation isn't QUITE all the writers might wish! |
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| It's true: the Chinese love ping pong |
The victories that count
What, my friends, is the conquest of one nation by another? It is meaningless.
Each produces the same result. But those fierce fights, when in the dawn of the
ages the cave-dwellers held their own against the tiger folk, or the elephants
first found that they had a master, those were the real conquests--the victories
that count.
Prof. George Edward Challenger
in The Lost World, by Arthur Conan Doyle
With all due respect to Professor Challenger, the victories that count are a bit more pedestrian. When your daughter sleeps through the night, THAT'S a victory that counts. When she goes down for her nap without a forty-five minute screaming bout, THAT'S a victory that counts. When she uses a sippy cup instead of having to be spoon-fed her liquids, THAT'S a victory that counts. When she stands up without having to cling to some support, THAT'S a victory that counts. When she learns to walk unaided... OK, that might be a very Pyrrhic victory as I anticipate going from carrying her around everywhere to pursuing her everywhere.
How the horizons of my world have collapsed!
All that being said, it's well to remember that, just because things are going well from MY perspective, they may not be from HER perspective. This will be increasingly important as she gets older, when I'm ecstatic that she's getting straight A's but she's miserable from too much pressure, or I'm pleased that she's quiet and not running with a bad crowd but she feels isolated and picked on. An excellent exposition on this by a transracial adoptee may be found here:
Most of us, I think, do the most hardcore soul searching when we are so-called adults. And that is when we really need to feel like we can talk to you, like you won’t be defensive, like you’re open to hearing things we feel embarrassed/ashamed/scared of feeling. That is when we need all the wisdom, perspective and strength that you have gained from continuously reading, learning and embracing this new world in which you decided to relocate when you signed on board…everything you’ve collected while we were doing the important job of growing up.
But one thing at a time, one thing at a time. I plan to keep focused on (or, at least, aware of) race, culture, identity, and other adoption issues just as I plan to be focused on grades, extra-curicular activies, self-esteem, dating, bullying, and all the other potential problems my daughter may face as she goes through life.
But, for now, those things are taking a VERY back seat to just getting her to take a nap.
Prof. George Edward Challenger
in The Lost World, by Arthur Conan Doyle
With all due respect to Professor Challenger, the victories that count are a bit more pedestrian. When your daughter sleeps through the night, THAT'S a victory that counts. When she goes down for her nap without a forty-five minute screaming bout, THAT'S a victory that counts. When she uses a sippy cup instead of having to be spoon-fed her liquids, THAT'S a victory that counts. When she stands up without having to cling to some support, THAT'S a victory that counts. When she learns to walk unaided... OK, that might be a very Pyrrhic victory as I anticipate going from carrying her around everywhere to pursuing her everywhere.
How the horizons of my world have collapsed!
All that being said, it's well to remember that, just because things are going well from MY perspective, they may not be from HER perspective. This will be increasingly important as she gets older, when I'm ecstatic that she's getting straight A's but she's miserable from too much pressure, or I'm pleased that she's quiet and not running with a bad crowd but she feels isolated and picked on. An excellent exposition on this by a transracial adoptee may be found here:
Most of us, I think, do the most hardcore soul searching when we are so-called adults. And that is when we really need to feel like we can talk to you, like you won’t be defensive, like you’re open to hearing things we feel embarrassed/ashamed/scared of feeling. That is when we need all the wisdom, perspective and strength that you have gained from continuously reading, learning and embracing this new world in which you decided to relocate when you signed on board…everything you’ve collected while we were doing the important job of growing up.
But one thing at a time, one thing at a time. I plan to keep focused on (or, at least, aware of) race, culture, identity, and other adoption issues just as I plan to be focused on grades, extra-curicular activies, self-esteem, dating, bullying, and all the other potential problems my daughter may face as she goes through life.
But, for now, those things are taking a VERY back seat to just getting her to take a nap.
Friday, June 6, 2014
TRAVELING TO CHINA, or I Wish I Knew Then What I Know Now
These are some reflections and tips regarding travel to China. They are based on our recent experiences as first-time adoptive parents, and are intended for other first-time adoptive parents. Read at your own risk!
HEALTH
It may seem odd to start out with this topic, but I think it's quite important. Consider: you're traveling to a country on the other side of the world. You're going to be tired and probably sore from the air travel. You're going to be jet lagged like you've probably never been jet lagged before. The food is unfamiliar; the air probably bad; the water highly dubious. You'll be harried and harassed, having to constantly go-go-go from bus to meeting to taxi to office. And, on top of all this, you'll be dealing with a child who is new to you, who may have health issues of his own, and who almost certainly will have some (ahem) psychological adjustments to make upon being handed over to his new parents. You MUST keep your strength and spirits up, and that means taking good care of your health. So...
--- Prepare to be your own doctor. If you even THINK you'll need a med, whether it be allergy pills, antibiotics, pills for motion sickness, laxatives, eye drops, or anything else, TAKE IT ALONG. We took along a Z-pack against getting a stomach bug, and this came in VERY handy not only for us but also for another person in our group when a respiratory infection started making the rounds. Consider your child in this, too: a bottle of children's ibuprofen or Orajel may be a godsend
--- It's possible to buy various OTC drugs in China, but consider that the labels will be... well... in Chinese. Further, some drugs that are OTC here may not be there, or may be much more expensive. Finally, the druggist may not speak English. Happily, our guide in Guangzhou was kind enough to get Chrystal some cough syrup; otherwise, she would have been out of luck
--- If you have food allergies or there are certain foods that you otherwise cannot eat, get a card to this effect printed up before you go to carry with you. This is not a fool-proof plan (I collect that food allergies are not nearly as common in China as they are here and hence the card may bewilder the average waiter), but it's better than nothing
--- As soon as possible after you arrive, arrange with your guide to get a supply of bottled water. We bought a case our first morning in Wuhan. Not only did this save us from having to pay hotel rates, we had a reliable supply of water to stay hydrated and avoid potential stomach bugs from the local tap water
--- We took a supply of Emergen-C packets and probiotic tablets. Maybe they helped; maybe not. Nevertheless, I was glad to have them
--- We also took along a small stash of junk food: cereal bars, crackers, etc. These were helpful on the plane and after we got our daughter
--- Consider something to help you sleep, whether it's an OTC sleeping drug or melatonin. This is especially useful on the plane ride
--- Many parts of China and especially Guangzhou are very hot and humid. Zinc oxide ointment is helpful in case of chafing or prickly heat. In a pinch, diaper rash ointment works well (a friend of mine put me onto Boudreaux's Butt Paste, which he regards as indispensable when hiking. He's right)
THE SEAT OF EASE
--- While your hotel room and most airport bathrooms will have western-style toilets, you will very likely encounter the (in)famous squattie-pottie. This is, I believe, rather more of an issue for women than for men. All I can say is that baby wipes are NOT just for baby, practice deep knee bends, and good luck!
PACKING
--- Be aware that the Chinese domestic airlines and trains have rather different rules regarding baggage than American airlines and trains. Make sure that your bags meet those requirements well ahead of time so you can buy / borrow whatever you might need
--- Especially if you haven't done a lot of international travel, you may well find yourself handling your luggage rather more than you're used to due to customs, security, connections, etc. Consider too that you'll have a child with you on the return trip. In other words, travel as light as possible
--- I know, I know: I suggest that you travel as light as possible. However, I'm also a big believer in redundancy: have two or more of critical items, especially medications, in different bags such that, it one is lost, you have a spare
--- Along the same lines, take duplicate copies of important paperwork (adoption forms, passports, visas, etc.). Also, take electronic copies on your phone, tablet, laptop, etc.
--- You will come home with even more documents, especially a visa packet that you must turn over UNOPENED to ICE at your port of entry into the USA. We were never told what would happen if the packet happened to be opened, though the word "Gitmo" was muttered... At any rate, a document organizer to keep these things in order and protected in your carry-on (do NOT put the visa packet into a checked bag!) is a good idea. Oh, and in the event that one parent (Mama) has done most of the paperwork and the other (Baba) has no clue about it other than he's signed a lot of things over the past several months, it's really useful to go through the documents prior to leaving so that words and phrases like "I-800" and "National Visa Center" are not completely unfamiliar
--- Compression sacks are your friend. Yes, your clothes will get rather wrinkled, but it's possible to get quite a lot of clothes into a package that will fit into a medium-sized backpack. Remember that, in addition to your clothes, toiletries, and other personal items, you'll be packing for your child AND taking along a number of gifts for various officials, so space (and weight) in your luggage will be at a premium. Ditto on the return trip if you plan to buy gifts for the folks back home or future birthday presents for your child
CLOTHES
--- Cotton is NOT your friend in China, especially in the summer. Lightweight athletic / hiking clothing (ESPECIALLY underwear) that is designed to wick away moisture from your skin and dry quickly is strongly recommended. Not only will you stay more comfortable, this sort of thing is easy to wash and drip-dry in your hotel room in a pinch
--- You will very likely go through clothes much faster there than you do at home because (depending on the time of year you travel and the city / province you are in) the air appallingly dirty. Therefore, it doesn't hurt to take along a little laundry detergent. Yes, the hotels we were in provided laundry service, but it was horribly expensive. Things are a bit different in Guangzhou because there are many shops on Shamian Island that provide inexpensive laundry services (though it may not be same-day), but we were fortunate that another family in our group brought along some little detergent packs and shared, so we were able to wash a few items in our hotel bath tub
--- We were told that we had to dress up a bit to go to the consulate. We were the only people who did
ELECTRONICS AND FINANCE
--- Set up a VPN on all internet-capable devices before leaving the States, and ensure that they work and that you've got the passwords with you. Otherwise, you may well run up against the various firewalls that the Chinese government has established. Note that some VPN's seem to work better in some provinces than in others. We used ExpressVPN in Wuhan and Guangzhou. Panda Pow did not work for us, but other people have reported that it and Onavo worked great for them in other provinces.
--- Talk to your cellular provider about your devices and especially about the cost of "roaming" in China. It can be very expensive for data plans. They can be in excess of $21 for 100mb of data. Although we did not use one, many people order a Panda phone to be picked up in Country.
--- Take along several power adapters (remember: NOT all in the same bag!)
--- Make sure you've got books, audio books, music, movies, games and other forms of entertainment both for you and for your child loaded up on your devices. Trust me: you'll likely be spending A LOT of time in airport waiting areas, and a cartoon is a good way to distract a fractious child
--- Contact your credit card company(ies) and bank to make sure that they know you'll be overseas lest they suspend your account when they start to notice all these purchases in China!
--- Exchanging money wasn't a problem for us: the hotels provided that service. Nevertheless, I suggest getting a few hundred yuan (aka RMB) before leaving the US. Better to have it and not need it than need it and not have it, I always say
--- Do not count on being able to use credit cards in China. I don't say you absolutely can't, but many places do not accept them
--- Check with your agency about how much cash to take and especially denominations. The Chinese are apparently leery of the new US $100 bills; we took $50 bills
--- Tipping is not at all common in China, and there is no sales tax. How nice to buy something and pay EXACTLY the price marked on the tag or menu!
--- Haggling and dickering IS common in China, especially on Shamian Island
LANGUAGE
--- As I've noted before, we found the Chinese we met to be very nice people: pleasant, friendly and helpful. Depending on the province, many Chinese also speak at least a little English. Finally, most signs that we saw (especially that most important one, "Toilet") were in English and Chinese. However, it helps to know a few key words, phrases and characters (I found knowing simple numbers to be very useful). Not only will this be of use to you, it also makes a good impression on them. A basic Chinese language program is therefore a good investment in the months before your trip
--- Don't worry about money: the numbers printed on Chinese bank bills and coins are the same Arabic numbers used here: a 5 RMB bill has "5" printed on it, not "δΊ”
And, last but not least...
THE CHILD
--- Take along a few simple toys. My wife bought stacking cups, and they worked quite well for us. We were surprised to find that our daughter apparently had no idea what a stuffed animal was or how to play with it, so teddy bears and dolls MAY not be useful. Ditto toys that require pushing buttons, turning knobs or the like. (Note: This may vary depending on the age of the child. One fried adopted a 3 year old and she loved dolls. It does appear to hold true to younger children.)
--- Prepare for gross errors in your child's size measurement, so having a few outfits (especially shoes) of different sizes is a good idea
--- Depending on your child's age and mobility, some way to carry him around other than your arms is dead useful. We had a baby carrier, but the stroller we bought (cheap) on Shamian Island was a godsend
--- Prepare yourself for the worst. I saw children who FOR DAYS after "Gotcha" would scream at the sight of one or both parents; children who melted down for hours at the drop of a hat; children who were uncontrollable; children who were violent and / or destructive. Yes, all those terrible behaviors that result from abandonment, institutionalization, and being thrust into the arms of new parents are real. I found that it's one thing to know about them; it's quite another to see them "up close and VERY personal"
HEALTH
It may seem odd to start out with this topic, but I think it's quite important. Consider: you're traveling to a country on the other side of the world. You're going to be tired and probably sore from the air travel. You're going to be jet lagged like you've probably never been jet lagged before. The food is unfamiliar; the air probably bad; the water highly dubious. You'll be harried and harassed, having to constantly go-go-go from bus to meeting to taxi to office. And, on top of all this, you'll be dealing with a child who is new to you, who may have health issues of his own, and who almost certainly will have some (ahem) psychological adjustments to make upon being handed over to his new parents. You MUST keep your strength and spirits up, and that means taking good care of your health. So...
--- Prepare to be your own doctor. If you even THINK you'll need a med, whether it be allergy pills, antibiotics, pills for motion sickness, laxatives, eye drops, or anything else, TAKE IT ALONG. We took along a Z-pack against getting a stomach bug, and this came in VERY handy not only for us but also for another person in our group when a respiratory infection started making the rounds. Consider your child in this, too: a bottle of children's ibuprofen or Orajel may be a godsend
--- It's possible to buy various OTC drugs in China, but consider that the labels will be... well... in Chinese. Further, some drugs that are OTC here may not be there, or may be much more expensive. Finally, the druggist may not speak English. Happily, our guide in Guangzhou was kind enough to get Chrystal some cough syrup; otherwise, she would have been out of luck
--- If you have food allergies or there are certain foods that you otherwise cannot eat, get a card to this effect printed up before you go to carry with you. This is not a fool-proof plan (I collect that food allergies are not nearly as common in China as they are here and hence the card may bewilder the average waiter), but it's better than nothing
--- As soon as possible after you arrive, arrange with your guide to get a supply of bottled water. We bought a case our first morning in Wuhan. Not only did this save us from having to pay hotel rates, we had a reliable supply of water to stay hydrated and avoid potential stomach bugs from the local tap water
--- We took a supply of Emergen-C packets and probiotic tablets. Maybe they helped; maybe not. Nevertheless, I was glad to have them
--- We also took along a small stash of junk food: cereal bars, crackers, etc. These were helpful on the plane and after we got our daughter
--- Consider something to help you sleep, whether it's an OTC sleeping drug or melatonin. This is especially useful on the plane ride
--- Many parts of China and especially Guangzhou are very hot and humid. Zinc oxide ointment is helpful in case of chafing or prickly heat. In a pinch, diaper rash ointment works well (a friend of mine put me onto Boudreaux's Butt Paste, which he regards as indispensable when hiking. He's right)
THE SEAT OF EASE
--- While your hotel room and most airport bathrooms will have western-style toilets, you will very likely encounter the (in)famous squattie-pottie. This is, I believe, rather more of an issue for women than for men. All I can say is that baby wipes are NOT just for baby, practice deep knee bends, and good luck!
PACKING
--- Be aware that the Chinese domestic airlines and trains have rather different rules regarding baggage than American airlines and trains. Make sure that your bags meet those requirements well ahead of time so you can buy / borrow whatever you might need
--- Especially if you haven't done a lot of international travel, you may well find yourself handling your luggage rather more than you're used to due to customs, security, connections, etc. Consider too that you'll have a child with you on the return trip. In other words, travel as light as possible
--- I know, I know: I suggest that you travel as light as possible. However, I'm also a big believer in redundancy: have two or more of critical items, especially medications, in different bags such that, it one is lost, you have a spare
--- Along the same lines, take duplicate copies of important paperwork (adoption forms, passports, visas, etc.). Also, take electronic copies on your phone, tablet, laptop, etc.
--- You will come home with even more documents, especially a visa packet that you must turn over UNOPENED to ICE at your port of entry into the USA. We were never told what would happen if the packet happened to be opened, though the word "Gitmo" was muttered... At any rate, a document organizer to keep these things in order and protected in your carry-on (do NOT put the visa packet into a checked bag!) is a good idea. Oh, and in the event that one parent (Mama) has done most of the paperwork and the other (Baba) has no clue about it other than he's signed a lot of things over the past several months, it's really useful to go through the documents prior to leaving so that words and phrases like "I-800" and "National Visa Center" are not completely unfamiliar
--- Compression sacks are your friend. Yes, your clothes will get rather wrinkled, but it's possible to get quite a lot of clothes into a package that will fit into a medium-sized backpack. Remember that, in addition to your clothes, toiletries, and other personal items, you'll be packing for your child AND taking along a number of gifts for various officials, so space (and weight) in your luggage will be at a premium. Ditto on the return trip if you plan to buy gifts for the folks back home or future birthday presents for your child
CLOTHES
--- Cotton is NOT your friend in China, especially in the summer. Lightweight athletic / hiking clothing (ESPECIALLY underwear) that is designed to wick away moisture from your skin and dry quickly is strongly recommended. Not only will you stay more comfortable, this sort of thing is easy to wash and drip-dry in your hotel room in a pinch
--- You will very likely go through clothes much faster there than you do at home because (depending on the time of year you travel and the city / province you are in) the air appallingly dirty. Therefore, it doesn't hurt to take along a little laundry detergent. Yes, the hotels we were in provided laundry service, but it was horribly expensive. Things are a bit different in Guangzhou because there are many shops on Shamian Island that provide inexpensive laundry services (though it may not be same-day), but we were fortunate that another family in our group brought along some little detergent packs and shared, so we were able to wash a few items in our hotel bath tub
--- We were told that we had to dress up a bit to go to the consulate. We were the only people who did
ELECTRONICS AND FINANCE
--- Set up a VPN on all internet-capable devices before leaving the States, and ensure that they work and that you've got the passwords with you. Otherwise, you may well run up against the various firewalls that the Chinese government has established. Note that some VPN's seem to work better in some provinces than in others. We used ExpressVPN in Wuhan and Guangzhou. Panda Pow did not work for us, but other people have reported that it and Onavo worked great for them in other provinces.
--- Talk to your cellular provider about your devices and especially about the cost of "roaming" in China. It can be very expensive for data plans. They can be in excess of $21 for 100mb of data. Although we did not use one, many people order a Panda phone to be picked up in Country.
--- Take along several power adapters (remember: NOT all in the same bag!)
--- Make sure you've got books, audio books, music, movies, games and other forms of entertainment both for you and for your child loaded up on your devices. Trust me: you'll likely be spending A LOT of time in airport waiting areas, and a cartoon is a good way to distract a fractious child
--- Contact your credit card company(ies) and bank to make sure that they know you'll be overseas lest they suspend your account when they start to notice all these purchases in China!
--- Exchanging money wasn't a problem for us: the hotels provided that service. Nevertheless, I suggest getting a few hundred yuan (aka RMB) before leaving the US. Better to have it and not need it than need it and not have it, I always say
--- Do not count on being able to use credit cards in China. I don't say you absolutely can't, but many places do not accept them
--- Check with your agency about how much cash to take and especially denominations. The Chinese are apparently leery of the new US $100 bills; we took $50 bills
--- Tipping is not at all common in China, and there is no sales tax. How nice to buy something and pay EXACTLY the price marked on the tag or menu!
--- Haggling and dickering IS common in China, especially on Shamian Island
LANGUAGE
--- As I've noted before, we found the Chinese we met to be very nice people: pleasant, friendly and helpful. Depending on the province, many Chinese also speak at least a little English. Finally, most signs that we saw (especially that most important one, "Toilet") were in English and Chinese. However, it helps to know a few key words, phrases and characters (I found knowing simple numbers to be very useful). Not only will this be of use to you, it also makes a good impression on them. A basic Chinese language program is therefore a good investment in the months before your trip
--- Don't worry about money: the numbers printed on Chinese bank bills and coins are the same Arabic numbers used here: a 5 RMB bill has "5" printed on it, not "δΊ”
And, last but not least...
THE CHILD
--- Take along a few simple toys. My wife bought stacking cups, and they worked quite well for us. We were surprised to find that our daughter apparently had no idea what a stuffed animal was or how to play with it, so teddy bears and dolls MAY not be useful. Ditto toys that require pushing buttons, turning knobs or the like. (Note: This may vary depending on the age of the child. One fried adopted a 3 year old and she loved dolls. It does appear to hold true to younger children.)
--- Prepare for gross errors in your child's size measurement, so having a few outfits (especially shoes) of different sizes is a good idea
--- Depending on your child's age and mobility, some way to carry him around other than your arms is dead useful. We had a baby carrier, but the stroller we bought (cheap) on Shamian Island was a godsend
--- Prepare yourself for the worst. I saw children who FOR DAYS after "Gotcha" would scream at the sight of one or both parents; children who melted down for hours at the drop of a hat; children who were uncontrollable; children who were violent and / or destructive. Yes, all those terrible behaviors that result from abandonment, institutionalization, and being thrust into the arms of new parents are real. I found that it's one thing to know about them; it's quite another to see them "up close and VERY personal"
Wednesday, June 4, 2014
Talk about OJT!
I generally like to think that I'm a bright fellow. Part of my job is solving - even anticipating - problems and preparing for them.
Fatherhood makes me feel like an idiot. Oh, well: I suppose it's all a learning experience. For example:
--- We let Caroline go without a nap at the deepest peril. She's like a VERY mean drunk without her afternoon snooze. This is somewhat a blessing in disguise as we find that she will sleep in her stroller, which gives a certain chubby Baba another good reason to take long, regular walks
--- There are certain items that one MUST have in-hand when leaving the house. I feel especially stupid about this one as friends explicitly warned me about The Diaper Bag
--- She has surprisingly long arms and quick hands
--- Chocolate milk and white leggings do not belong in the same place at the same time (VERY quick hands...)
--- Dirt apparently is delicious (who knew???)
--- Puppy pads work quite well as an accessory for diaper changes
Some of the problems we anticipated, such as terror of a car seat, have not manifested themselves. Caroline is generally a calm, easy-going child and got into her car seat for the first time with complete equanimity (the same may not be said for ol' Baba trying to install the thing!). But one problem has showed up big time: sleeping. Despite (or, perhaps, due to) the fact that she slept in a crib with her foster parents, the crib apparently is NOT her favorite vacation spot. We are trying to work out sleeping arrangements such that all of us get a reasonable amount of rest. It's definitely a priority project. Oh, if only she could be like me and LONG for a nice afternoon nap and nine solid hours at night!
I anticipate that we'll be dealing with walking very soon. We think that she can probably walk now, but she doesn't quite realize it. The Chocolate Milk Incident should serve as a serious wake-up call to us both: if we don't want something to end up in the floor, in her hands, or in her mouth, we'd better keep it locked away or, at least, well above Caroline level.
Fatherhood makes me feel like an idiot. Oh, well: I suppose it's all a learning experience. For example:
--- We let Caroline go without a nap at the deepest peril. She's like a VERY mean drunk without her afternoon snooze. This is somewhat a blessing in disguise as we find that she will sleep in her stroller, which gives a certain chubby Baba another good reason to take long, regular walks
--- There are certain items that one MUST have in-hand when leaving the house. I feel especially stupid about this one as friends explicitly warned me about The Diaper Bag
--- She has surprisingly long arms and quick hands
--- Chocolate milk and white leggings do not belong in the same place at the same time (VERY quick hands...)
 |
| Chocolate milk + white leggings = OH NO! At least we remembered a bib... |
--- Dirt apparently is delicious (who knew???)
--- Puppy pads work quite well as an accessory for diaper changes
Some of the problems we anticipated, such as terror of a car seat, have not manifested themselves. Caroline is generally a calm, easy-going child and got into her car seat for the first time with complete equanimity (the same may not be said for ol' Baba trying to install the thing!). But one problem has showed up big time: sleeping. Despite (or, perhaps, due to) the fact that she slept in a crib with her foster parents, the crib apparently is NOT her favorite vacation spot. We are trying to work out sleeping arrangements such that all of us get a reasonable amount of rest. It's definitely a priority project. Oh, if only she could be like me and LONG for a nice afternoon nap and nine solid hours at night!
I anticipate that we'll be dealing with walking very soon. We think that she can probably walk now, but she doesn't quite realize it. The Chocolate Milk Incident should serve as a serious wake-up call to us both: if we don't want something to end up in the floor, in her hands, or in her mouth, we'd better keep it locked away or, at least, well above Caroline level.
Monday, June 2, 2014
SNEAK PEAK
We received a sneak peak of our Welcome Home Photography from Jen Memory at Inspired Memorys Photography last night. I can't wait to see all the photos. We had been traveling for 30 hours when we stepped on that escalator, but I felt it was so important to have those memories captured by a professional. We really appreciate that Jen was easy going about coming to the airport so late to share our special moment. Check her out if you need photos in the Winston Salem, NC area.
We feel so blessed!
Chrystal
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