Sunday, September 21, 2014


What is the "etiquette" for approaching families that one suspects (white adults, non-white children) of being adoptive?


  1. Good question! If you figure it out, let me know. We spotted a family at Chipotle one night that looked like an adoptive family - two Asian girls and one Asian boy with a white mom. We didn't see the dad, though, so we weren't sure if their family was created through adoption. We didn't say anything to them. I think it might be easier if you have a child with you. We probably would have raised eyebrows if we had said anything.

    1. Even when we have our daughter with us, it seems a bit awkward. On the one hand, it seems a very natural thing to introduce oneself to people who apparently have something so significant in common. On the other hand, quite aside from the possibility (as Ally points out below) that the people in question AREN'T an adoptive family, there are privacy concerns.

      I'm really at sea on this. It seems to me that it's a pleasant thing for adoptive families and especially adopted kids to know that they aren't alone: "Hey, there are people just like us / me around!" But perhaps it makes them feel even more an object of curiosity.

      At this stage of the game, I'm very happy to meet other adoptive parents. Shoot, I'm happy to talk all day about our daughter (and she's not exactly shy, either). But perhaps this will change down the road, especially for Caroline.

      There really needs to be a tech manual for all of this!

  2. Good question.
    I am really not sure. Would love to hear some thoughts. It is something we struggle with too.
    It's so hard to tell even when you see both parents with the child because you are never sure if it's a step-family situation.